Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thank God for answering my prayer...It has been a year since you left...Many things have happened within that very year. Circumstances, Situation forces me to be someone I am not... Yesterday Received your msg...I am so so happy. Tears with Joy. Finally, my girl is back... You always have a special place in my heart. Met you up... things have really changed so much between the 2 of us. The feeling of us back then is much more happier than yesterday.
You said I changed alot...Yea indeed. wilder i guess?
I am so happy even seeing you one more time...but on the way home...your msg crashes my heart. Your disappointed with me...the word disappointed really pull me down to the deepest of my heart where i hide all my saddest things.Trying to lock myself in that cold dark room where no one can enter...
You told me all that has happened during the year...
I wanted so much to be there encouraging you as your my dearest friend. but I was never given a chance...
I wanted so much to talk to you when I am in my sad times, you were not there...
Wanting to share with you my happiest times, you were not there...
You are the very first girl, I brought to Christ...being a leader over you...
Yea i have changed for the worst i guess...typing this with tears in my eyes...
Things will never be the same anymore...
I am a failure as a leader...should I step down?
Asked God today..."if she is disappointed with me...God,i guess your even disappointed with me right?"
I had high expectations for myself. I dropped from a high point to the lowest point...
I don't know what to do...
But am Glad your back talking to me...
I am not blaming you or saying you but I am blaming myself...
Realised that so many unhappiness... I have been suppressing it into my heart...didn't vent out at all.. my heart is so painful that i can hardly breathe right now. I will be fine I guess...
You told me you don't wanna lead me on...
Feelings is so real but is for me to leave untouched...
I believed your a good person but you said your not...
So your trying to Push me to another guy?
It hurts my heart even more......
Just hope that you will not regret whatever your decision is... cox can't turn back anymore...
Guess your not mine to begin with...
I am going on a vacation soon...i hope. with Charisssa..hope she can go... either Aussie, HK or Taiwan.
Y13:16